Three Pears, three pairs, 3 X 2=6, threesome times two, six-tom, sex-a-ton, burn calories, hunger, pear, two more, and that makes three pears.

This is my brain:

Thursday, September 24, 2009

'Cool' is All About Leather Sleeves

“I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.” - Demetri Martin

I went to Yuk Yuks this week and was inspired to make my next entry about my favorite comedian. My mind/bladder is highly stimulated every time I listen to/watch Demetri Martin. I first discovered his stage performance "If I", a deliciously intellectual, and hilarious story of self-discovery. Not only did he inspire me to acquire useless skills, and want to do brainteasers for fun; he really made me think and laugh hard. If I, can be found on YouTube in multiple sections. He also has a show on the comedy network, Important Things with Demetri Martin. The premise is that he picks an 'Important Thing' to theme each show around. Previous things have included power, chairs, timing, and brains. He's a comedic master, and incorporates jokes, skits, songs, sketches, and even graphs! You can watch Important Things here. Demetri is also ( a superhuman, a genius, a man with a wicked name...I digress) a great actor and is currently starring in the movie Taking Woodstock. I can't wait to see it.

Jokes [>] ( you'll get this reference after one show )
Ha-“A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he’s persuasive. ‘Dude make a left.’ ‘Those are trees…’ ‘Trust me.’
Haha-“I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.”
Hahaha- “‘Sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of – it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after ‘I love you’ or ‘You’re going to live’ or ‘It’s a boy.’”"I was in a store and I saw a pocket dictionary and that made me laugh because it’s such…a specific item. I don’t know that many words and I’m going out…and I have pants. Perfect!”
Hahahaha-“I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’”
Hahahahaha-“One of my friends has a stutter and a lot of people think that’s a bad thing, but to me that’s just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That’s not an impediment, that’s suspense! What’s he going to say? Car?? …or Carnival?? …Carburetor!?!? Man…"
LOL-“An easy way to sound like a creep is to add the word ‘ladies’ to the end of things you say. It can be harmless too, but it just makes you a creep. ‘Yeah after college I spent two years in the peace corps, ladies?’ The more harmless it is, the more of a creep you become. ‘I broke my arm. I need help, ladies?’”
Dark Chuckle-"If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters."
LMFAO-"I heard this lady say “I love kids.” That’s ni
ce, a little weird though. It’s like saying “I like people, for a
little while.” “How old are you? 14? Fuck off!” You can say “I love kids” as a general statement, that’s fine. It’s when you get specific that you get in to trouble. “I love twelve-year-olds.”
Giggle- "I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.” And I said, “I am."

Joke that accompanies sketch/exclamation above: 'I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable. "

Important thing= This blog -"If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy."

Laugh, it's important.


  1. K seriously I've been replaying the mock advertisment for the old folks home for 3 days now.
    "We will only hire competent night nurses, who won't dress up as the grim reaper, go into residents rooms and tell them "it's time to take a walk" "
    "We will not make false promises that Tony Bennet is coming to sing and then only moments before the performance announce that he won't be coming because he doesn't play for losers."
    "Pending board approval we will no longer shoot at residents with paint ball guns"

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