Three Pears, three pairs, 3 X 2=6, threesome times two, six-tom, sex-a-ton, burn calories, hunger, pear, two more, and that makes three pears.

This is my brain:

Thursday, October 29, 2009


I've been thinking about a certain pandemic far too much lately... and, I also ran out of hand sanitizer today. This is my coping mechanism, extreme satire.

Measure circumferences with extreme caution.
Don't worry, be funny.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Darth's Day

Various Artists have complied hilarious photographs of Darth Vador, doing everyday things. Enjoy

Artist- Esteban


Artist- Ian Pool

Artist- Danny Choo

Finally, my personal favorite. "The force is strong with Potter."

Artist- Esteban

View the rest here

Luke.... I am... not a fan of the subway.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

12000 words

Best iPhone pictures of the year:

My first Flames Game, and probably this mini Flames fan's too.

1:30 am, gingerbread cookie decorations get x-rated.

A dish I titled: yellowed chicken with head on the side, during our work Christmas party at a dim sum place. I didn't eat any, the head did end up in my wine however. Making chicken heads talk doesn't lead to good places people!

Brett doesn't want to lose anymore bets. I love how he seems to have a bunny belly.

That black area that seems to have no end, that's a single open pit oil sands site. Just one. I shed a tear.

Exact sequence of events: Take a bite out of my apple, set the apple down to finish after my shower, look down, giggle hilariously, and then take this picture.

A special offer at the Amsterdam airport for clog slippers! Looking like an idiot tourist was never more affordable!

Penis cactus, on my aunt's balcony in Rome. Now there's a prick you wouldn't want to screw with.

First day on Korcula, everlasting view from the front door.

First sight after getting off the c-train in Kensington. Mobile Garden :)

Don't be fooled, this picture was taken inside of a very large retail store. Gotta love Southern Alberta.

The funniest food stand downtown other than the hot wiener stand.

Capture life's moments, that's what you have a camera phone for.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Question Marks Ensue

I see things around me that are unexplainable, confusing, and simply irritatingly illogical. Here are a few, where question marks ensue.

How do flies and insects get caught in ceiling light fixtures? I am looking above my head at a small illuminated casket; wondering, how exactly a large moth edged its way in.

Why is it that so many garbage cans in bathrooms/public areas in the university have lids that are incredibly hard to open? This seems so unsanitary. It makes me resort to littering indoors.

How ironically delicious and inconvenient is it that the engineering building on campus is the most poorly engineered? Oh I see, to get from section A to B I have to pass through E and C, and then a creepy metal corridor that may lead to a highly dangerous assembly area.

Who decided introductory computer science was mandatory for a commerce degree? I would love to have a word with them.

Why didn't Friends make a movie? I would have watched it, probably twice.

Why oh why haven't the folks at Apple made it possible for iPods and iPhones to transfer files from the device on to another computer?  It's simply wasteful how many CD's I've had to make for sharing.

In the name of good-goodliness, why can't people figure out that facebook statuses no longer have 'is' in them? I'd love to know "What's on your mind" in a comprehensive way.

Why aren't there waterproof headphones, and iPod cases? I like to swim to the beat.

How come so many "supposedly" sustainable and eco-friendly retail companies still have plastic bags available at their check-outs? At the least have a paper or plastic choice, and more than 10 cents charged per bag used. Also, I really hate it when I see a recycling plastic bags bin in a lonely corner  completely masked by wasteful promotional signage. Come on, doesn't cognitive dissonance have any effect?

How is it that a simple probing blog entry became a big complaint spree?

Forget lost socks and bobby-pins, what happens to scarves, flats, bracelets, lip glosses, and curling irons? Where for art thou suddenly vanishing wonders??  Really, vexed about the curling iron, that instance must defy some physical laws.

How is it that nobody remembers chocolate covered cookie bars? Come one, Mr. Christie didn't make them for nothing.

What would happen if you received a miniature plastic figure of yourself in a Kinder Egg? Now there is a surprise! Better yet, a plastic figure of you in the future; Oh look it's me in a business suit appearing as if I am about to have a mid-life crisis!

How do comedic sitcom writers keep bringing on the intense funny every single week? I can barely keep this blog amusing. :P I praise their laughing tear causing ways.

What do you ?, ?

Monday, October 19, 2009

This Day in History

October 19th, 2009: In Calgary, it misted. It wasn't rain, snow (for a change), or plain humidity. I was quite literally misting throughout the afternoon. The effect wasn't cold or super dampening , simply perplexing precipitation.

Notice your surroundings, and get that sexy slightly damp look.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Puppy Love

For being there to cuddle me every time I wake up from a nightmare, I must devote this entry as an ode to my dog.

 She's a geologist, and always finds rocks at the park. There is currently one in my mother's bed, that she brought home.

  This is a very film noir picture I took a few years ago. I love it that she smiles at me, and every time I ask for a kiss she obliges.

I am positive that nobody will ever have that amount of jovial excitement when I walk through a door. Unconditional love isn't just possible, it's made simple, laughable by this small golden creature.

She prefers a pillow and blanket in the winter. We call her our little hairy human.

" I VANT TO SUCK YOUR... BACON!" She's a natural comedian.
I love my 5 year old puppy, yet probably not as much as she loves us.

Mika, Mimsy, Uyer, Loo, Loolee,Mi, Lover.

Praise the Neanderthal that thought the domestication of dogs was the best idea in the world.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Patented Anti-Clink Technology

Do you remember these good ol' underage days? Purses were not only mini wardrobes and make-up carriers, but tiny bars too! I just found this perfect picture to commemorate...wish I could remember what party this was for.

Thank you Hayley, for having the largest strongest purse around.

Laugh at your immature youth, and be thankful that you made it through alive.

Glee-ful Jargon

I have been converted. It didn't take much effort,or more than ten minutes of the pilot to get me hooked. I find peace in knowing what part of my Wednesday evening will consist of now. So, for those of you who are not newly obsessed with Glee, here are some spectacular quotes from the first 5 episodes to whet your palette.

Will: Being a boy band did wonders for my love life... we started doing it once a week.
(Will (Mr. Schuester) is the Spanish teacher/ Glee club coordinator/ main character. He's a 30 something hunk, with a pathetic excuse for a wife, and the passion of a true artist.)

Emma: I'm a girl who knows her solvents, and your breath smells like rubbing alcohol.
 -Rachel: I tried, but I don't have a gag reflex.
Emma: When you're older, that will turn out to be a gift.
(Emma is probably my favorite character.She has OCD, and is the only person on this earth who pulls off such a matchy-matchy style.)

Sue: I'll often yell at homeless people: 'Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.'
-Sue: Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.
Will: I don't menstruate.
Sue: Neither do I.

(Sue is terrifyingly hilarious, I think Adidas track suits can thank her for their boost in sales)

Finn:: I don't want to be the guy that just drives around throwing eggs at people!
Rachel: That was you?
-Finn: What's a cliche? Is that a bad thing?
(Finn is the student male lead. He was the first of the popular kids to join the show choir, and  is extremely lovable, although not very intellectual.)

Rachel: Girls want sex just as much as guys do!
-Rachel: I won my first dance competition when I was three months old.
(Rachel is the star of the show.She has two gay dads, and always puts a gold sticker after her name.)

Quinn: If you quit the club, I'll let you touch my breast.
Finn: Under the shirt?
Quinn: Over the bra.
-Quinn Fabray [after Finn tries to get to second base]: Let's pray.
(Quinn is Finn's girlfriend, and president of the chastity club. :)

Kurt: My body is like a rum chocolate souffle. If I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise.
(So what would a musical sitcom be without the honorary gay man? Kurt is amazing, not only can he sing, and dance, but he's the football teams kicker.)

Puck: Dude, my bowels have better moves than you.
-Cougar: Is that a nipple ring?
Puck: Yeah. I'm pretty rock 'n roll.
(His name is Puck (Shakespeare reference anyone??),  he plays football, sings and dances, reserves his sex life to mostly Cougars only, oh, and he has a buzz cut Mohawk... enough said.)

Kurt: Smells like my Aunt Mildred.
April: Just drink it.
-Will: You remember me?
April: No. But I don't remember breakfast.
(April is actually a huge broadway star in reality, she plays the alcoholic, high school drop out, ready to give it another shot. She only has three credits to go!)

Clockwise from top left: Finn, Quinn, Rachel, and Puck

Be thankful you aren't in high school anymore, be upset that it wasn't this musical.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Amongst a topic of fufillment, there is disappointment.

 I am a marketing major, I think advertising is fascinating and typically adore mocking most of it. However, some forms are just offensive to my gender and intellect. Here are some examples. 

Here are two fairly objectifying  retro advertisements:

This one is about a husband being mad at his wife for not cleaning with a douche-bag. The picture is just heartbreaking, not to mention abusive. I think it was a pretty low way to convince women to buy a product. Although this ad is from the ages of ignorant product knowledge (they just made shit up), it should be dually noted that a lot of current  advertising does not have empirical evidence to support its promotions; cleaning with a douche actually isn't very healthy for women.

Although I thought this ad was witty and convincing, it still has major faults. It's not only hetero-sexist, but also promotes male one track "sex" mind-sets. The item shouldn't be bought because it has value, convenience, or usefulness, but because the woman is appealing and you'll be more of a man if you support sexy women. I really dislike the idea that anything can be sexy. What if gross cameo and puffy down vests were thrown over a naked women, would they be less atrocious then?

Now for something not entirely different at all, here are two modern ads to contrast:

You would think the fact that a newspaper is only 20p (about 45 cents) would be enough of a selling feature. But no, apparently The Sun's British demographic is a load of sexually driven buyers, unwilling to purchase without some allure. Great job at discouraging a lot of your female readers.

Alright, this may be hilarious now, but think of the children people! The same communication could have been associated to a brain exploding. But no, they have to bring sex, and not just regular sex but that of the oral nature into the picture. Firstly, that girl looks like a blow-up doll, it's not even very sexually appealing. Secondly, the small text reads "if you desire something long, juicy, and flame grilled..etc," which instead of being sexy really means: if you want something really bad for you packed full of bad cholesterol, trans-fats, and calories, then this is the 'suggestive' food for you! Thirdly, if this is ok then why aren't Taco Bell ads featuring males licking hard-shelled tacos (yeah, I went there)? Because, it's disgusting and I feel that a lot of women would not be more inclined to buy such crudely promoted food. 

Thanks to my newly favorite blog Advertising is good for you, I now know how to term this overuse of sex.
 ATTENTION VAMPIRE: an element in advertising that sucks alway consumer attention from the brand. ( I swear, I did not make that up :)

Feminist and ethical advertising standards self, cool-down. Not all Ads are like this, however, I think it's about time that people look more closely at the hundreds of images put before them on a daily basis.Visit Advertising Standards Canada and get in touch with the standards.

Buy shit because you like it, find it necessary, or it's good for the environment... not because it gives you a boner... except Viagra of course. ;)

Monday, October 5, 2009

Walk All Over Me Art

Just found out about the amazing optical illusions, prevalent in side-walk art. Thank you visual cognition lecture. These aren't just your 2D hopscotch outlines. Here are a few special pedestrian paintings created by Julian Beever, he's pretty well known in the chalk block:


 View from in front and beside, amazing effect. 

Batman and Robin to the rescue, is my personal favorite.

Hope you enjoyed the visual cortex confusion.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Daredevils, minus the tacky outfits.

Blessed be the overwhelming desire in males to see their friends subjected to awful dared actions. My lovely male affiliates have decided to prepare monthly challenges for the lot of us. The rule is that if you don't go through with the challenge everyday for the month, you have to do a dare chosen by the other non-losing friends, by May long weekend camping. The challenges end after each month, and there are 6 months for me to lose and possibly gain 6 dares.

This month is OctHundi, which means that the boys have to do 100 sit-ups, 100 push-ups, 100 squats, 100 chin-ups EVERYDAY! Luckily, having an extra X chromosome gives me some slack and I don't need to do chin-ups and am allowed modified push-ups. I just finished up with today's exercises, and feel pretty good about being able to go through with the challenge.
I expect extreme tightening by halloween. :D

We have chosen some challenges for the coming months, which I think will be much harder to commit and stay dare-free from. For instance, today I purchased an excessive amount of chocolate, sour gummie candies, and pizza pops; November is no junk food month. My boyfriend and I are fairly stressed for the averse effects associated with me not consuming chocolate. I get a lee-way day for my birthday, so hopefully I'll be emotionally stable for that occasion. :)

The other month ideas are: no junk food, no shaving ( expect for female armpits), no underwear (totally impractical for Calgary in January... but it would be a hilarious inside joke), no drinking, and no TV.

There are a few ideas we are undecided on, mostly because we are apparently too immoral and reckless to go through with the following without failing instantaneously: no lying (just to parents, I'm still a good friend/girlfriend), no illegal activities (speeding and j-walking were the most concerning), and no shopping (although the boys said that would be effortless... I really just don't want it to happen).

Looking forward to my 300X26 morning exercises to come.

Challenge yourself, I dare you.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

What's growin' before it starts snowin'?

Erase out-of-season foods.

I find myself asking the question: what fruits and vegetables are actually in season? quite often. It seems like something we should have been taught in biology class, a) because it's much more relevant than The Krebs Cycle and b) because it actually effects our bodies and the immediate environment around us. So, alas my blog public (pupils? peeping toms?) I shall feature a monthly blog entry on what is in season. Let's begin:

It's October:

Seed-infested sweet shit (fruit): pears- have three :D, apples, cranberries, limes, plums, pomegranate, raspberries, and tomatoes.

Nutty nuggets (nuts (yes, they have seasons too( yes, this is a parenthesis inside a parenthesis))): almonds, and chestnuts ( save some for those open-fires).

Vexed if you don't have em' Veggies: artichoke, bell pepper <3,beet, beet greens, broccolini (super posh Italian sounding broccoli), butternut squash, cauliflower, carrots, chard (mierda?), corn ( Well, unfortunately this always seems to be in season, modifications can be found in your Minute Maid juice, and Pringles chips... Oh, commodity crops.) eggplant, garlic, potatoes, radishes, spinach, sweet potatoes, wild mushroom (Hey, get back in the fungus category!).

Sources under the sea: Lobster, Mother Nature wanted us to eat garlic and lobster at the same time... it's divine seasonal crossing.

Why seasonal eating should make you salivate:
1) Local foods in season are more abundant, and thus, cost effective.
2) This is the natural time this food is supposed to be eaten, therefore it's the best tasting.
3) It's healthier for you, the foods have their greatest amounts of nutrients at this time.
4) It's healthier for the environment, usually out of season food : has to flown 1000s of kilometers from a different region, and picked prematurely thereby,losing taste and nutrition (it may even be better to have frozen seasonal food).

I'm going to my local farmers' market this weekend to try and get some of these great-tasting, cheap, eco goodies.

It's what mother nature ( insert denominational divinity/ruler of the earth here) intended.